You Never Forget How To Ride A Bike

They say that once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget. I'm not really sure who 'they' are, and after over 20 years, I wasn't sure if I still could.  I could!  And I did!  With big smiles and high fives from my precious 10 year-old daughter, I parked my bike in the garage after 2 laps around our neighborhood circle.

I have been on a very important trek this last year.   Being a very personal issue for me, I choose not to blog about it or make it public knowledge....until now.  After years of "battling the bulge," I made a radical decision to have Weightloss Surgery in January.  January 26th to be exact.  The surgery is an extreme measure, and a necessary one for creating a more fulfilling life for myself.

Blogging the decision process, the pre-surgery habit changes and after surgery struggles just was not  a desire that I had.  I will tell you that I did have support at all points and am thankful for a great group of family, friends, coaches and healthcare professionals!

Why blog now?  Well, I feel like I should document the new experiences that I get to have as well as the positive feelings I have about myself.  That is all.  

So, I am almost 5 months past my surgery.  I have lost 77 pounds and still going.  I have 26 more pounds to lose to get to my goal weight.  I feel absolutely wonderful.  The only side effect of the surgery is that once in awhile, I have a tired day....surgery or ageing?  I guess we could debate that, however, after a day that includes a nap (hopefully), I wake up the next morning with a 3-4 pound loss.

I will blog about my struggle with weight, body image and self esteem as I feel prompted.  Today, I will just tell you that I am starting to enjoy the small things in life that being so overweight has hindered me from doing.  Being active with my children is one of those things. It also was a motivating reason for me to pursue the surgery.  

Getting on that bike was not really scary; I was more excited, although I wasn't sure if I'd crash in the driveway.  I didn't.  Just took off.  I really can't remember having as much fun and experiencing as much freedom as I did.  While taking in the sun on my face, the wind in my hair and the muscles working in my legs, I was most impressed with the words of my daughter, "Mommy, this is the best day.  I love riding my bike with my Mom.  I can't wait to tell Dad what we did.  You're the best!"  Truly brings joy to my heart to see the simple things that really make children feel loved.  I felt loved, too. From her, myself and Daddy God who I could see smiling and cheering me on.  

Glad I did it - the surgery and the bike ride!  I look forward to sharing the experiences that unfold creating a more fulfilling life.  I'm not looking back, except to make sure the way is clear to turn the corner.

Can you relate? (Sermon Notes)

I found a story in the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 3, that I think we all can relate to on some level. Check this out.

This story is about Jewish people who at that time had their temples for worship and rules to obey to be okay with God. Apparently, they were still feeling guilty and empty, because they came to see a new evangelist. He was different! At least in appearance. He was dressed rather shabbily, not in the fancy priestly garments of the Pharisees (the religious leaders of the time). He spoke differently, too! Plain speech, not the eloquent, confusing words of the other religious leaders.

Maybe he could offer them some bit of wisdom that they could grab ahold of. Maybe he relate to them on their level so they could understand the things of God. Surely, this man who was more like them could understand their afflictions and bring words that would ease their conscious.

So they head down to the Jordan River and line up to get baptized. Is this the the key to feeling clean? Bathing? Seems logical. Well, at least it was worth a try. After all, a little water wouldn’t hurt.

Luke 3: 7-9 MSG When crowds of people came out for baptism because it was the popular thing to do, John exploded: "Brood of snakes! What do you think you're doing slithering down here to the river? Do you think a little water on your snakeskins is going to deflect God's judgment? It's your life that must change, not your skin. And don't think you can pull rank by claiming Abraham as 'father.' Being a child of Abraham is neither here nor there—children of Abraham are a dime a dozen. God can make children from stones if he wants. What counts is your life. Is it green and blossoming? Because if it's deadwood, it goes on the fire."

“Wait! What is he saying? Getting wet won’t deflect God’s judgement? Why is he doing this then?”

“A life change? What is he talking about?”

“It’s not about Abraham being our father? I sure hope he explains this?”

The question of their desperate hearts was: “What must we do to feel clean and pleasing to God?”

10The crowd asked him, "Then what are we supposed to do?"

11"If you have two coats, give one away," he said. "Do the same with your food."

12Tax men also came to be baptized and said, "Teacher, what should we do?"

13He told them, "No more extortion—collect only what is required by law."

14Soldiers asked him, "And what should we do?"

He told them, "No shakedowns, no blackmail—and be content with your rations."

So this unusual looking preacher at the river tells them to share, be fair, be nice and be content with what you have.....

....from the time the law was given to Moses and the Levitical Priesthood established, the Jews always had a “to do” list. The items on that list must be upheld perfectly and sacrifices given to cover mans mistakes. This job fell on the High Priest to know and uphold the law and to offer the sacrifices. God actually judged the nation of Israel on the performance of the High Priest. A good High Priest meant blessings. A bad High Priest meant famine, slavery or other curses on the nation.

By the time John comes along, the nation of Israel is so messed up that there are two High Priests. The religious leaders are prideful and unapproachable by the people they represent. No wonder the people are looking elsewhere to find a sense of righteousness. So John tells them to share and be nice????

John’s reply would logically invoke two responses:

1- “More rules. Nothing new here.”

or

2- “Wow! A preacher who I can relate to. Finally, someone is presenting the rules of God in a way I can understand!”

I imagine the first group walked away defeated or sat watching the second group get a bit carried away and start declaring John as the Messiah.

John, hearing this commotion speaks up and shows them that he really is no ordinary preacher. He tells the crowd that he has just come to prepare their hearts for the real Messiah. All John can offer them is the law, although packaged in a relatable way for the “common” man...still, just more behavior modification.

Then, John drops the bomb! Shines hope on their lives as he announces that help is on the way.

15The interest of the people by now was building. They were all beginning to wonder, "Could this John be the Messiah?"

16-17But John intervened: "I'm baptizing you here in the river. The main character in this drama, to whom I'm a mere stagehand, will ignite the kingdom life, a fire, the Holy Spirit within you, changing you from the inside out. He's going to clean house—make a clean sweep of your lives. He'll place everything true in its proper place before God; everything false he'll put out with the trash to be burned."

Wow! Not sure what kingdom life is, but knowing they need a change on the inside, the crowd is intrigued and returns day after day to hear more of what John has to say. No ordinary preacher, indeed.

What happens next is unexpected. Lucky are those that witnessed it. Jesus enters the crowd! He stands in line to be baptized by John. John immediately recognizes Jesus as the “main character” and recoils a bit.

“Me, baptize you? You should be baptizing me! You are holy. I am not even righteous enough to tie your shoe.”

I can see Jesus smile at John and say, “It is the right thing to do.” John looks at Jesus and understands that Jesus, a Jew, is still under the law. He must do what is right perfectly to fulfill the law.

As Jesus rises from the water, the crowd gasps as a dove descends and the voice of God declares, “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.”

21-22After all the people were baptized, Jesus was baptized. As he was praying, the sky opened up and the Holy Spirit, like a dove descending, came down on him. And along with the Spirit, a voice: "You are my Son, chosen and marked by my love, pride of my life." * some versions say “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.”

Why is this passage of scripture important to us? Does John's ministry at the Jordan impact us today? Can we really relate to the people in this story that took place over 2000 years ago? Yes! I think we can.

Like the crowd who came to hear John preach, we are looking to feel clean and close to God. * Credit the phrase “clean and close” to Andrew Farley. I could not explain it any clearer.

Like the people in this story, we have done our “to do” list with sincere hearts. Obeying scripture to the best of our ability, listening to our religious leaders, serving in church, helping the needy and so on. Still, we feel guilty and empty.

Like the seekers who came to check out the new guy, we, too, strive to find a preacher we can related to.

So, we wander down to the newest “Jordan River” in search of an answer to our question: “What must we do to please God?” And, what is being preached? More religion that bases God’s blessing and acceptance on our performance?

John knew this was the wrong question. It is still the wrong question today. The question we must ask is the same one the perplexed crowd was forced to ask John: “How do I get this life changing transformation?”

John unveils the mystery. His name is Jesus.

When Jesus was on earth as God, He was born with out sin. (Sin here is a noun, not an action. A place in this case. We were in a prison of sin. Nothing we could do, no matter how righteous the act, could get us out. Jesus was not in this prison.)

Jesus, as man, fulfilled the righteous requirements of God’s holy Law ( His behavior was perfect. He did not commit sinful acts (sin being a verb here).

On the cross, God, the judge, exhausted all his wrath against sin on the body of Jesus. God’s justice was met and we, by divine exchange, have been declared innocent of our sinful acts (all of them for eternity) and were transformed from darkness to light. We have been released from the prison of sin and imprisoned in righteousness. (Just as no righteous act could free us from the prison of sin, no sinful act can free us from the prison of righteousness. Jesus dealt with sin once and for all).

Hebrews 10:12 (ASV)

12 but he, when he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God;

When Jesus rose again, He sat at the right hand of the Father as our High Priest forever. Remember how Israel was judged by how good their High Priest was? God did not change and we are now judged by Jesus perfect performance. Our High Priest is perfectly acceptable to God, so blessings will always be over our lives. Furthermore, we have a High Priest that we can relate to. Jesus came to the earth and lived and was tempted like all of us, so He could be our spotless representative in Heaven.

Hebrews 4: 14- 16 14-16Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

When we accept Jesus Christ as our Saviour (saving us from sin and judgement, being the perfect sacrifice), the Holy Spirit lives in us. He relates to us personally! As we behold Jesus and His loveliness, this same Spirit transforms us into the image of Christ. This is how we are changed from the inside out.

2 Corinthians 3:18 (NLT)

18 So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.

No longer worried about what we must do to please God, we are free to be who we are: God’s children in “whom He is well pleased”.

Living free and guilt free is a truly fulfilling life!

Kings and Queens of Courage

Ever really stop to think about courage? Immediately, news and tv images roll up in your mind: the athlete who worked hard to win his event or the child actress who overcame drug use and overbearing parents to carve out a nice life for herself. Truly, all very heroic indeed, worthy news stories.

When I stop to think about the courageous people I know, my mind does not race to the tv news stories. I think of the amazing people that I get the privilege of interacting with daily. Allow me to introduce you to a few. (Think you see yourself on my list, it probably is, so smile! Not on my list? Add your story and smile with us!)

Courage shines beautifully in a young single mother trusting God with raising her daughter while working, going to school and trying to carve out a social life for herself!

Courage recognizes a grade school boy whose mother was just sent to prison, and his school mates rallying to show him love and compassion!

Courages delights in parents opening their hearts and homes to orphans needing special understanding and love!

Courage sparkles in a woman determined not to let a stroke steal her independence!

Courage boasts in a family leaving all they have to change lives of others in an other country!

Courage energizes a man getting out of bed every morning to face another day of work and then finding energy to give life to his family every night!

Courage celebrates a woman struggling to define herself in a new season of life!

Courage oozes from a woman leaning on God to keep her family together while she searches for a second job because her husband has been out of work for a very long time!

Courage triumphs in young men and women leaving home for the first time to pursue education and dreams!

I also see the people who support each of these I have listed: teachers, friends, parents, children, workers, prayers - each equally courageous!

My list could be unending, but you get the point. Courage radiates from each of us; made in God's very own image, living in our unique humanity. Be enCOURAGED today that you are very special and loved.

Someone once said that courage is a trait of royalty. No need for crowns and castles, I see your courageous heart forging a fulfilling life for you and those you touch! Thanks for being part of mine.

Walk the Dog

A few weeks ago, my little dog wakes me up in the middle of the night whining.

The problem: she got off the bed and can't jump back up. After much coaxing and then a stern command through gritted teeth, she makes an attempt. Yeah! Success! but not without a struggle. I start to notice that she is having difficulty with this task on a regular basis.

After assessing the situation, I decide that Crystal, my dog, needs a walk. As we start walking, her extra "winter accumulation" bulges and shakes. So does mine! Yep, we both need a walk...daily!

Weighty matters of life can make even simple tasks like jumping up onto the bed seem difficult. A beautiful woman I spoke with recently struggles with deciding whether to take a shower or eat breakfast in the morning. As we spoke about possible reasons this problem exists, she discovers that she has spread herself so thin, limiting her personal time so drastically that everyday tasks weigh heavily on her. Her exploration of this matter leads her to make a plan that frees up the personal time she needs to be truly happy. In other words, she walks the dog. She is brilliant!

I encourage you today to locate the circumstances that your current condition makes hard to navigate. Once you address the problem, you can find what change needs to occur. Make a plan of daily activities that will create the change you need to make your life more satisfying. Like Crystal, you may need to restart a good habit that you fell away from. Or like me, you may need to discover new thinking patterns and create new, powerful habits.

Whatever is keeping you off the bed today, take action. Walk the dog!

Are you stuck? Amazing results happen when you pair up with a professional thinking partner. My life coaching is always confidential, compassionate, and powerful. I invite you to visit my website at www.beckyskalsky.com.

As for Crystal and me, I'm not sure we'll be "bikini ready" this summer, but we can jump up on the bed and have more energy to get off of it! We feel great and are enjoying a truly fulfilling life.

Who Do You Say You Are?

She had been obviously dealing with something for a few days when I found her - boy issues, I think. She was sitting on her bed just after midnight, 16 years old, beautiful, her "In Christ" scriptures by her side. (For those who are wondering, "In Christ" scriptures are a list of Bible verses that tell what God thinks of those who put their trust in the atoning work of Christ's death. He finds us amazingly beautiful and powerful). She is a follower.

"How are you?" I asked.

"Okay," was her uninterested response.

"I see you have your "In Christ" scriptures out."

"Yeah," was all I got in return. She did not want to talk about it. I kissed her forehead goodnight and went to bed.

The next morning I checked in with facebook to have my morning chat with a good friend. There was her post! "I am not who you say I am. I am who God says I am!" Posted after her statement was a list of the loving and empowering things that God says about His children. As a Life Coach, and more personally as a parent, I felt a great victory. She rejected a negative judgement of herself in favor of the beautiful truths she chose to believe in that moment.

How about you? What self-judgments have you embraced? Where did they come from, and how do they affect your life?

Did your favorite teacher sharply criticize your work; now you tell yourself you are stupid? Did your father tell you that you were born to be a doctor; now you are feeling trapped in med school? Perhaps a boyfriend or girlfriend said you were ugly; now you hate who you see in the mirror?

On the positive side, did your parents encourage you to try new things and learn from mistakes; now you attack life fearlessly? Did your best childhood friend tell you that you were fun to be around; now you make friends easily?

Ultimately, you choose whose voice you believe. Choose wisely! Who do you say you are?

NEVER let someone else, with their own hurts, issues and insecurities define who you are! Be uniquely you! Share you with everyone you are in relationship with.

Oh...with her post on facebook was a picture she took of a bumblebee on a flower. The bee didn't listen to the scientists who told her that her wings were too small to lift her body off the ground. She happily flies from flower to flower enjoying a truly fulfilling life and making the world more beautiful for the rest of us.

A Mark On My Soul

Have you slowed down recently to think about your life? I have. Wish I would more often.

The journey is so amazing. I am struck by the people who impact my life and how each encounter shapes a part of my existence. The ones who abused me, encouraged me, loved me, ignored me, married me or inspired me; not an encompassing list, but all leaving a mark on my soul.

Relationship to God, self and others is hugely important in life's experience. Learning to have healthy, life-giving relationships is essential to anyone, really, but is especially challenging if you come from abuse.

Receiving God's grace and forgiveness has been vital to me. Understanding that He loves me and being free to ask Him him the tough questions like "Why?" gives me courage to face myself.

My relationship to myself has been the most difficult to nurture. Probably because I can see all of my faults and know my deepest secrets, however, with time and encouragement from my friends, and life coach, I have developed a deep respect for myself. I am not perfect, but I have a lot to offer people I meet. So, I forge into relationships with others with peace.

I approach people with a great love, now. This is truly a victory for me. I used to be very fearful and untrusting (very common among abuse survivors). I developed boundaries that let the good in and keep the bad out. I learned to spot and avoid "toxic" relationships, and most of all, I give people space and freedom to be themselves. I find and focus on the good in each person I encounter.

I am thankful for the impressions people have left on me. My journey is unique and purposeful. I invite you to slow down today. Think about the people in your life and give thanks for them. Think of ways to find more peace in your relationships. Try life coaching for support to become empowered to create meaningful relationships.

Satisfying and peaceful relationships to God, self and others birth a truly fulfilling life. May your journey be filled with them!

To Resolve and Be Resolved..How's It Going?

It's just over a month into the new year, and the groans and pains of sticking to that New Year's Resolution are being heard and felt in homes across America. Every year is the same: start that new diet, smoke that last cigarette...by February, everything looks like chocolate cake and smells like a Camel. Just once, you would love to stick to what you know is good for you.

Typically, New Year's resolutions are about doing something that will bring you a desired result. So, you set your goal and muster up as much will power as you can to see it happen. Usually, by February your will power has been out matched by the strength of your previously learned behavior.

Let's try something with a greater success rate. I invite you to explore who you are and what approach to life changes works best for you.

We all know the super disciplined person who makes and amazingly keeps their resolutions. People like this do exist. If you are one of them, you are result-oriented. You approach life with a list of expected outcomes, complete with time frames, and diligently work to achieve them. You may even reward yourself when you reach smaller objectives to your overall goal.

If you are action-oriented, you find long-range goals daunting and have less success at achieving a New Year's resolution. You may even feel paralyzed when thinking about the goal ahead. Your successful approach to life changes will be to find day to day activities that improve your quality of life, and eliminate the tension of deadlines.

Knowing what type of person you are will move your life in a satisfying direction with milestones of success and not repeated failure. Let's look at how this works. New Year's Resolution: Lose 20 pounds by swimsuit season. This is a reasonable goal if you are result-oriented. You will be motivated by that goal and get your plan and march on. An action-oriented person will feel overwhelmed.

So how should an action-oriented person approach the New Year? Resolution: I will walk a mile each day. The emphasis is on the daily action, not on the long term goal. Fitness, not a specific weight target is more attainable. The result-oriented person will feel uninterested.

So determine if you need to tweak your New Year's resolution. Perhaps, like me you are action-oriented and just need to make daily changes that enhance your life.

Knowing your approach to life changes and applying it to your resolution, will help you create a more satisfying and truly fulfilling life.